


here with me

by Anonymous



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, F/F, Getting Together, One Shot, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-11 19:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19116421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: jennie's not asking the right questions, but it's the best she can do.





	here with me

➤

lisa leans toward jennie, earnest and eager (as always, jennie thinks ruefully and somewhat happily), and whispers, her breath hot on the older girl’s face, "i want to tell you that i love you.”

jennie sways a little, and she knows it's not the alcohol coursing through her system, not the dim lights in their shared apartment or the soft cotton on the rug they're sitting on, not the scratch of her pajamas against her pale skin.

no, not the curve of lisa’s lips or the shield of her bangs in her _brownbrownbrown_ eyes.

it's the look on lisa’s face, the caring, the protection, the adoration.

"lisa," she whispers, because she wonders if lisa understands what she's just said. if she means it.

"jennie," lisa murmurs, reaching across the smooth, tarnished surface of their coffee table and covering her soft, small hands with her own. the coffee brown of her eyes – kaleidoscope, spinning and dipping and oh, how jennie wishes she could just _fallfallfall_ – shimmers, as if with unshed tears, and lisa doesn't pull back. she simply lingers, waiting for jennie to say something.

anything.

jennie smiles shyly, the bow of her lips slanting and pulling up at the corners, and lisa lets out a quick, hard, audible breath. jennie watches the movement curiously, hears the sound in shock, and lets her eyes fall to their hands, entwined and interlaced. (just like their pasts, just like their futures).

"you love me?" the words come shaky, unsure, and her voice breaks. jennie's not asking the right questions, she knows ( _why didn't you tell me before_ and _why are you telling me this now_ and _my god, do you still…_ ), but it's the best she can do.

her heart is thumping with the affection she suppressed, feelings she didn't want to feel because they weren't safe (but lisa’s safe, safer than anyone else she knows). all she can do is wait.

lisa smiles, slow and gentle, like jennie remembers (sun-soaked summers and easy, starry nights stretched across a white bed with dark blue sheets), and squeezes her hand with the fervor she has missed so much. "of course i love you."

lisa speaks with such certainty, as if those words jennie used to imagine while pining over her are nothing but a fact lisa accepted long ago. the words stay stagnant in the air.

jennie doesn't say anything, and the younger girl’s smile only widens (and suddenly, she's remembering _darkdarkdark_ touches and rain and light sky drifting in through the paned windows…).

"jennie," lisa says again, reverently, wondrously, awe seeping into her voice, as it sometimes does when she's talking to her. (as it always does).

jennie doesn't respond.

she takes a deep breath, steels herself for the rejection she knows jennie will give her (it won't come). "you're the most alive, amazing…" lisa trails off, her eyes falling to her feet, as if she's afraid to say what's on her mind.

but lisa makes herself say it. because she needs jennie to know.

" _beautiful_ ," she breathes the word, "woman i have ever known. _of course_ i love you."

lisa finds herself repeating earlier words, calling up ancient cravings and memories she dares to hold onto only because she is afraid to lose the vibrancy before her. lisa wishes she could tell jennie the truth, wishes she could tell her that she's always loved her, that she will _alwaysalwaysalways_ love her.

that she loves jennie. right here, right now, no matter their history or their beginnings or anything else.

no matter what she says.

but she smiles at lisa, sure and easy, and strokes her thumb thoughtfully. there's raw wonder in her eyes, and she asks gently, softly, “even now?”

lisa understands what the other girl asking, and she wishes she could be certain of jennie’s reaction to the words she knows she must say. but with them, it's never simple, and lisa’s tired of that. it's never the right time. there's always a relationship separating them, or the world that they’re in, or their own misgivings. they never take the chance, and now that she’s with jennie, lisa can't figure out why.

lisa inclines her head slightly, wondering if jennie still knows her well enough to understand.

she does.

a tear, pearling and sparkling and falling, trembles on her eyelash, but jennie doesn't wipe it off. she's breaking now, but breaking the good way, the kind of fault line that ripples with coming together, the kind of pain that hurts because it never seemed possible. this right here never seemed possible.

"i don't…" she whispers, because she doesn't know what else to say.

lisa leans toward her, closer now, and her eyes are so gentle that the tears fall fast and unbidden. her finger reaches for the hollow beneath jennie’s doleful black eyes ( _beautifulbeautifulbeautiful_ ), and she catches a tear.

jennie chokes out a laugh.

lisa smiles benevolently, charmingly, and the older girl is reminded that despite everything, the only person she has ever really wanted was lisa (it was constant, the thrum of _lisalisalisa_ in her head as she tried to move on). she wishes lisa knew all this, wishes she could tell her.

instead, she merely sighs, the words blending and diving until only someone who truly knows her inside and out could understand what she's saying, "i love you."

lisa’s eyes widen with shock, but she doesn't miss the uncertainty in jennie’s eyes. so lisa pulls jennie to her, leaning her forehead against the other girl’s, and whispers, holding jennie’s face like she's infinitely breakable and precious and _hersalwayshers_ , "i love you."

jennie smiles, and she's crying too. (always exuberant, always unashamed, always _vibrantdancingalive_. always jennie).

"don't let me go," she whispers, and lisa understands.

and so lisa kisses her, her lips curving to the shape of jennie’s, leaning into her, culminating years of hope and longing and affection, wishing she could understand just how much she needs jennie in this moment.

needs her always.

"i won't," lisa promises.

jennie believes her. and she kisses her back, sighing and crying and feeling this sense of right she only ever feels with lisa. (lisa’s amazing and she's beautiful and she _loveslovesloves_ her, and well, that's all jennie’s ever wanted).

they don't pause the kiss, don't break apart, don't let go; they never have. they are immersed in each other, uncertainties and fears melting away as the moon dips lower in the midnight sky.

"i love you," lisa whispers again, once they break apart, once the tears are flowing freely and jennie is on her lap. she leans her head on lisa’s shoulder, arms wrapped tightly, securely around her waist, and hopes to god she doesn't lose her this time (hopes to god she's not stupid enough, hopes she's not vain enough or silly enough or _whoeversheiswithoutlisa_ ).

hopes to god lisa can help her put herself back together again.

(she will, jennie knows she will, because this girl is lisa and she is jennie and _theyaremeanttodothis,_ meant to be together).

lisa smiles and hugs jennie tighter, murmuring gently, "i always knew."

jennie doesn't argue. for once, she's content to stay with lisa, just be with her.

"i love you."

it's not a promise, and it's not a question.

it's simply who they are.

it's who they've become.

➤

 


End file.
